how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
