Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
