I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
