when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
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