Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Someone signed my nipple.
Randomize
