You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
