You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
