I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
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