You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
