Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
