may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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