She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
FUCK WHALES
Randomize
