Plan B is the new Plan A
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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