I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I just found a bag of teeth...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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