so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
