i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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