There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I wish i was in the wii world.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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