i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Randomize
