You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
