No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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