I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
