You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
