Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Randomize
