I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
