im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
