those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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