I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
