i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
