I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
