If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
