have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize
