Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
