Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Randomize
