if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
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