Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
