Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
