I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
