she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
