he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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