I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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