Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
