What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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