Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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