By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
We have started to decorate penises.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
