Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Randomize
