I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
Randomize
