dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
