He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
