just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
