omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
