Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
