I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
