Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
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