forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
